I don’t know about you, but I’m ready for a new year! 2020 was full of uncertainties and really caused us to reevaluate our way of thinking and doing things. Honestly speaking, the last 6-8 months have been some of the most challenging times for me as a mother, wife, and friend. It is hard for me to put into words what it feels like when your gut is telling you there is something wrong with your child and your healthcare team isn’t reacting. I am still working through some of the feelings and residual side-effects that occurred with the trauma of Miles’ admission. I struggle mainly with trusting people. I struggle not to have an immediate visceral reaction and go into fight or flight mode when I have to compromise on my standards for my family. Even as I am typing through this and thinking back to what led up to Miles’ admission, I find my stomach doing flips.
Miles’ health has greatly improved over the last 6 months. He is gradually being “discharged” from specialists and he is meeting several more developmental milestones. He has even started walking! He went from being completely off the growth curve to holding steadily at the 50th percentile. We have learned a lot about the care he should have received post NICU stay and our experience will hopefully help prevent a similar situation from happening again. For that we are grateful.
For me, time heals wounds. I have never been one to be able to talk through what I am going through in the moment. I have to let things simmer. I have to let my mind process and adapt. I am slowly allowing people back into our lives to help with babysitting the kids and I am slowly learning to trust people again. The biggest thing I have learned in 2020 is that our trust cannot be in the people or things of this world. Our hope, source of strength and trust for provision must come from God.
God continues to teach us what true reliance on Him looks like. He challenges me daily to let go of my will, let go of my desire, let go of my individual needs and look toward what He has set before me and for that of my family. We recently received news that challenged us to our core. We had a battle of the “wills.” My will was telling me there is no way. His will was telling me, I am the way. My will was telling me, I don’t have the strength or patience. His will was telling me, I am your strength and source of patience. My will was telling me, we can’t provide. His will was telling me, I am the same today, tomorrow and forever…I will provide.
Amaya and Miles’ birth mother is expecting again and has asked us if we would be willing to add her little boy to our family. She’s due in early February but because of her history of preterm deliveries she will hopefully be a scheduled C-section around 36 weeks. As you can imagine there are so many things running through our minds. And after a year of struggling with trust, I find myself laying it all down. I am clinging to The One. The One who goes before all things. The One that is the same today, tomorrow and forever. The One who carried us through and provided before. With all the uncertainties of this world I know one thing is certain, my trust is fully in Him.
Will you trust Him with us? Will you come alongside us as we watch His story unfold once again?
Please join us as we pray for these things specifically:
-Comfort and strength for Birth Mom as she processes through another adoption and what that looks like for her family.
-Health for her and baby boy. May they both make it to the 36 week mark, avoid complications and stay out of the NICU.
-Wisdom for us as we begin paperwork and fundraising efforts. (We are looking to raise about $35,000 to cover the adoption fees, birth mother expenses, travel, and adoption finalization)
-Wisdom as we interact with Birth Mom and others associated with the process, that we may be an example of Christ.
-Strength for us as we prepare to add another baby into our family and all the transitions that that will entail.
For ways to give financially please see the links below. Tax deductible gifts can be given via Lifesong. A Gofundme has also been set up on our behalf. Thank you so much for considering.
He is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us. (Ephesians 3:20)